Wanderlust
by Hatsterstrikesagain
Summary: Cas doesn't feel right. His relationship with Dean is perfect but he must leave to find out where he truly comes from. Inspired by the song Wanderlust by Frank Turner. Please tell me what you think :)
1. Remembering

Chapter 1

Castiel Winchester walked through his quiet apartment, trying to commit it all to memory. He had left the love of his life sleeping quietly in the bedroom. He knew all the squeaky boards, and avoided them, anxious not to wake his lover. He was leaving. The feeling had been building for some time. He couldn't stay.

They had been friends forever; it was completely natural that their friendship had progressed to more than just play-mates. But Cas was adopted; had never met his parents. He knew that he had at least one brother, but had never met him either. Castiel had to get away. The feeling of not belonging had gone on for too long, drifting. Dean had queried the wistful look on his face on many occasions, but he could not tell the only person, let alone only man, that he had ever loved that he was leaving and didn't know when he was coming back.

Castiel had grown up on a farm on the edge of town, complete with a tree house in the 70 year old oak tree. His adopted parents, Helen and Joshua Novak, doted on him, he was their only child as his 'Mother' couldn't have children of her own.

He had met Dean on their first day of school, he had pushed Cas over on his rush to get to the swings, but had stopped, giving up his place on the swings, in order to help up the blue eyed boy. That had been it. Twenty-five years and a wedding later there they were, still joined at the hip.

Castiel was reminiscing. He had caught the first bus that stopped for him, not really knowing where to start on his quest.

Dean had overcompensated in high school, getting with girl after girl, thinking that if he got enough, his feeling and lust for his best friend would go away. Cas, of course, had realised he was gay, when his fear of cooties hadn't disappeared at the age of 15 and he still felt no attraction to breasts, still only the magnetic pull to the boy at his side. Neither party spoke their thoughts; that was until July 4th in the tree house. They were 19. Dean had snuck out six beers and a bag of popcorn from his pantry, "borrowed" his dad's car and driven over to the farm, throwing stones at Cas' window to wake him up. They snuck out and up to the tree house, watching the fireworks burst over the tops of the trees that bordered the Novak's land.

The intertwined fingers were and accident, but then so were the hesitant kiss, the shirts being pulled off and all that ensued. Every touch shooting Cas with more force than the fireworks, booming in the distance.

They had woken up tangled in each other's limbs, under the fleece blanket Cas kept in the small shed for when he couldn't sleep indoors. Each realised the instant blue eyes met green that this was their destiny. Gravity had helped that day when they were four, but it was fate that had liberated the swing.


	2. Awakening

Chapter 2

Around that time Dean's dad had passed away, never knowing his son was gay. He had been Dean's idol and it hit him hard. He was old enough to look after himself and his brother, 4 years younger than him, but felt like he needed support. They sold the house and moved in with the Novak's. the farmhouse had six bedrooms so there was enough for one each, but after a few nights, Mrs Novak noticed Dean's bed hadn't been slept in, put two and two together and was overjoyed that the brown haired boy had reciprocated her little boy's feelings. It had only been a secret to Dean; even Sam had noticed the way Cas looked at his brother.

Cas leaned his head against the cold of the window, feeling the vibrations run through his body. The sun was tinging the sky red along the horizon. Red sky in the morning, shepherds warning. Dean would be waking up soon, his alarm goes off at 6:15am, blaring 'Smoke on the Water'. Even then, sometimes, it wasn't enough to wake him up. Then he has a shower, sometimes they showered together, not for sex, just because it was easier to wash someone else's back than your own. He shaves, makes coffee for the both of them, kisses Cas goodbye and sets off to the office.

This morning would be different; the cold of the bed for one thing. Cas felt like the window had smashed, digging cold shards into his heart. He would come back. He just couldn't put off finding where he actually came from and why his parents had given him up. It would be nice to find his brother too. Sam had been like a sibling to him, but even his six foot four form couldn't fill that hole. It was almost as if it was the distance itself that was pulling on his bones.

Dean was woken by his alarm at 6:15. He blindly patted the bedside table, finding the 'off' button and rolling over to slide his arm around his husband's waist. His arm fell flat against the cold sheet. He sat bolt upright. "Cas?" he called loud enough to be heard by someone in the bathroom or kitchen, as he expected Cas to be. But the bed was cold. Even if he had got up a quarter of hour ago, it would still have been warm; that boy was like a radiator.

That was when he noticed the wardrobe door slightly ajar, he was sure he had shut it, he hated doors being left open. He threw the duvet aside and padded over to the wardrobe, wondering if he was still asleep. He opened the wardrobe; half was empty. Dean blinked into the space. He moved his clothes checking they were all there, to see if Cas hadn't just had a clear out. Pinned to his work suit was a folded piece of paper.

'Dean', it read, 'I'm sorry I had to go, but if I told you, you would've stopped me. It isn't permanent. I'll be back, in true Arnie fashion. Please wait for me. I will write at some point. Just know I love you, as if you ever doubted that, but I had to find out more, more about me and if I would manage without you. I love you Dean, Castiel Winchester, your angel.'

Dean leaned back until his back hit wood and slid down to the floor. He had thought that it could have been a fake but it wasn't. Cas knew he loved Terminator, they had seen it together at their local cinema. He banged the back of his head against the door. Why had he left? They had always been together, since the swing. Dean put his head in his hands, feeling the wetness on his cheeks. He didn't know how long he sat like that, but the next thing he was aware of was the phone ringing. His head snapped up, was it Cas? He stumbled over, in his hurry getting his foot caught in the flex of the standing light.

"Hello?" Dean's voice cracked.

"Hi Bro", it was Sam, "you ok? You didn't pick me up this morning; I had to catch the bus. I phoned work and they said you hadn't turned up."

Crap, Dean thought to himself, he forgot about taking Sam to college.

"Dean?" Sam sounded worried.

"It's Cas", he said breathing heavily, "he gone."

"Dead gone or left gone?"

"Left gone", Dean confirmed his voice monotonous as he tried not to cry. No matter how sad he was he would not cry in front of Sam, he had to maintain the big brother act.

"Do you want me to come over?"

"But you're in school…"

"I don't have any lectures today, it's fine." Sam's voice was soft.

"Yes please", Dean was struggling to fight back the tears.

"Ok, I'll be over in ten."

Dean put the phone back in its cradle and slumped down on the bed, waiting for Sam. He heard the knock on the door a few minutes later. He got up, walked over to the door in a trance, turned the handle and pulled back the door. Sam walked in and Dean broke down in his arms.


	3. Discovery

Chapter 3

Dean did nothing for the first three days; just lay on the sofa staring at the white ceiling of their flat. It was 'their' flat. He would come back, dean knew he would. He had always felt a kind of connection to the man, feeling off when Cas was ill, and any kind of happiness was shared between them. He didn't know if it was just that when one was joyful, the other was happy or that they had some kind of profound bond. If Cas had really left him, he would have felt it snap.

Sam came in to check on him on the way to and from school, each time seeing the food he had made uneaten, the plates piled up on the floor. He was worried about Dean. His brother had never been like this even when he broke up with Lisa, his girlfriend of two years, but then Sam thought he had had Cas to comfort him. Dean always went to Cas about everything, not having him there was probably like missing half of your soul. Sam had tried calling Cas but his phone was off, he must have left 50 messages; and Helen Novak but she said she didn't know where he was going. He resolved to keep an eye on his brother and when he was feeling and looking less like the living dead would go with him to look for Cas.

"Springfield, Ohio", the voice crackled over the speakers.

Cas stood in front of the notice board, his hands shoved deep in his pockets, staring at the map in front of him. His first step was finding a hotel, then he could look for his brother. He had decided that finding Gabriel was his first port of call, he phoned the adoption company as soon as he realised what he wanted to do. They hadn't heard from him in the past year, but the last time they had, he was in Springfield, Ohio. So that was where Cas went.

He walked down the road from the bus station until he reached the Kings Lair, a slightly run down yet cheerful looking hotel. He checked in with a bubbly blonde girl behind the desk, she was flirting, trying to catch his big blue eyes.

"There you go room 11." She said sweetly. "The guy opposite you in room 12 is a bit of a party animal, but he's lovely, been with us for about a year now. Anyway, have fun here."

He smiled weakly. The girl behind the desk must have noticed the pain in Cas' eyes because she reached over and squeezed his hands as he signed the register.

"Take care of yourself, I'm down here if you want to talk" she said comfortingly.

Cas nodded and walked towards the foot of the stairs, deciding that for one floor he could walk. He opened the door at the top of the stairwell, the strap of his bag catching on the door handle. Hearing a snicker, he turned around. Standing in from of him was a short man with long hair in unruly waves flicking away from his face, it was his eyes that Cas noticed most of all, they were the same colour as his hair, but looked the consistency of molten honey.

"Need a hand?" the man asked him, gesturing to Castiel's bags, lying by his feet as he struggled with the strap of his back pack.

"Yes, please. I'm in room 11." Cas said hesitantly, managing to unhook himself.

"Coolio, I'm in the room opposite", the man grinned, his smile stretching from one ear to the other. He had something about him that Cas couldn't quite place, as well as looking incredibly mischievous.

They walked across the patterned carpet and stopped in front of Cas' room. Cas fumbled with key but managed to swing it open, revealing a pale green bedroom with one double bed in the centre. The frame was ornate, carved white painted wood, at least Cas thought it was white, it was grubby and flaking slightly. The carpet was worn and cobwebs hug on the high ceiling. And yet, Cas thought it looked perfect. It reminded him of his bedroom at home.

They put the bags on the foot of the bed, before turning to each other.

"Gabriel", the man said, holding out his hand for Cas to shake, "regular around here and prankster so watch yourself" he introduced himself, patting Cas on the shoulder.

"Castiel", Cas replied, frowning at the man, "this may sound forward", he said pausing as he considered whether this was actually a good idea, "but were given up for adoption?"


	4. Planning

Gabriel looked at him suspiciously. "Yes? Why?" he asked squinting slightly at the dark haired man in front of him, wondering why a complete stranger would be asking him this.

"My name is Castiel Novak, adopted by Helen and Joshua Novak when I was 18 months old. I have a brother called Gabriel, but I've never met him and I am looking for my birth parents, and have left my husband at home, in order to do." Cas said, hoping he sounded confident and raising an eyebrow in order to hint at the shorter man in front of him.

"You think I'm that Gabriel", he scoffed, the cogs in his head turning as he considered that possibility.

He vaguely remembered a baby with blue eyes, but having been only three at the time he wasn't sure. He only just about remembered his mum, and even then she was pretty much just a shape without a proper face.

"And what if I am? Then what do we do?" he asked Castiel, who was staring at his feet.

"Well, I was thinking that we would look for our parents, starting in Pontiac, Illinois" Cas said.

Gabriel could tell that he had obviously thought it through.

"But that's five hours away. How are we going to get there?"

"Coach, I think… Did you say 'we'? Are you coming with me? But you don't even know if we are brothers yet?

"I know… I just like an adventure. Plus I have a good feeling about you, so it'll be fun even if it amounts to nothing." Gabriel replied. He honestly did love a gamble, and the scruffy haired guy in front of him looked like a good travelling companion, 'might even be a good friend' Gabriel thought to himself.

He had always wanted a brother. Growing up in the care home meant that he had had loads of people to play with, but never any proper friends. That was why he got out of there the minute he could… and went off the rails slightly. He had lived with Balthazar first. That guy could party. He once walked in on Gabe having what he called a 'ménage á what's French for twelve'…

"Do you want to get a test done?" said the gravelly voice, breaking him out of his thoughts.

"A test?" Gabriel replied realising what he meant the minute it left his lips; a test to find out if they were really brothers. "Yeah, sure, I don't really care though. I'd be happy to help you with your quest, got nothing better to do."

He was joking but actually he didn't. He'd been fired from his last job for eating the stock and pulling pranks on employees and customers. They were only small but still he was fired. From a candy store.

"You got any plans for dinner? I make a mean omelette, followed by the best brownies you will ever taste." He wiggled his eyebrows at Cas, he was fed up of eating on his own. He loved all the female attention he got but still wanted something more. Someone to sleep the night with, not just a quick fling. That reminded him; Cas said he had a husband.

"So who's this husband of yours and why didn't you bring him with you?" he brought up over dinner.

Cas looked down at his food. He missed Dean. He hadn't been apart from him as long as they'd been married, or even before. He wandered how Dean was doing. He had Sam and Bobby, but not him. He should call, but then he would just want to go home. But what if Dean thought Cas didn't love him anymore. He put his head in his hands, elbows either side of his plate.

Gabriel saw his discomfort, "Don't worry Cassie, you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."

"I should call him", Cas murmured almost to himself, "but what if his tells me to turn back?"

"If he loves you, and I'm sure he does, then he will support you. He's probably worrying about you." I would if I was him, Gabe thought.

"Do you mind if I go home now?" Cas asked, standing up from his half eaten plate of food.

"Of course", Gabe answered as Cas walked passed him towards the door, "Oh and Cas", he said as he had one foot in the hall, "Good luck."

Cas walked into his room, desperately trying to regulate his breathing as he sat down on the edge of the bed, and stared at the old fashioned phone sitting on the bedside table. He picked up the receiver and keyed in the number, before lifting it to his ear, listening to the dial tone.

There was a click in the line.

"Hello?" Dean's voice cracked down the phone. "Cas? Is that you?"


End file.
